Week 13: Transitions in Marriage: In-Law Relations

What do you think of when I say "Mother-in-law"?

Did you think of a meddler?

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A busybody?

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An antagonist?

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Or an insufferable know-it-all?

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When I “googled” mother-in-law, these are some of the top images that appeared. Not very flattering, right?

Personally, I find it quite sad that our pop culture has developed such a negative connotation of mothers-in-law, and to a lesser degree, in-laws in general. While this may be partly in jest, I believe that there is still some underlying truth to this notion that many believe.

In his book “Till Debt Do Us Part” Bernard Poduska states that “we do not enter marriage empty handed; we carry a lot of ‘baggage’ with us.” (Poduska, 2000). An important fact to consider as couples enter marriage is that each is accepting the other as a package deal - the good, the bad, and the ugly; and this includes their family of origin, or in other words, in-laws.

There are many things a couple and their parents can do to avoid or overcome the difficulties associated with in-law relations and embrace this opportunity to create meaningful relationships with each other.

1.  Understand “Family Rules” (Poduska, 2000, p. 26) – Because of the upbringing in their particular families, each spouse brings with them into the marriage separate sets of “family rules”. According to Poduska, these rules act as a sort of family heritage that guides and direct with social roles, relationships, and behavior. Understanding a spouse’s heritage, or family rules, will not only help to understand them better but will allow a greater appreciation of the family from which they came and strengthen ties with in-laws.  

2. Create a Marital Identity (Harper & Olsen, 2005, p. 328) – Husbands and wives are commanded by God to leave their fathers and their mothers and cleave unto their spouses. (See Genesis 2:24). By so doing, they are able to create their own marital identity. It can be helpful to think of this as building an invisible fence around their marriage relationship. What goes on inside that fence is between the married partners, and they dictate what is shared with those outside the fence. Parents of married children can help them build and maintain their fence by avoiding intrusion and giving them the time, space, and freedom to create their marital identity.

3. Accept Differences (Harper & Olsen, 2005, p. 330) – Marrying into a family that is different from yours is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to cause difficulties. Using humor, using patience, overlooking small irritations, and looking for the positives can do much to avoid problems that arise from differences among family members and in-laws. A healthy approach to accepting additional family members through marriage is to realize that they will “bring new perspectives into the family, and the family can learn from these differences and be complemented by them.”

In my own experience, I’ve been lucky enough to marry into a wonderful family and have not experienced any difficulties in building close and trusting relationships with all of my husband’s family members. From the very beginning of our marriage, my husband’s parents have helped us establish our own marital identity by not demanding frequent contact (phone calls, texts, or attendance at every family function) and offering advice only when it is sought after. They have always shown support for decisions we make as we set up our own family rules, practices, and traditions. I have also never heard them speak ill of any of the other in-laws (and there are quite a few of us, 7 to be exact!) I know firsthand how enriching such relationships are in my life. Perhaps this is why I am so troubled by the popular stigma that identifies in-laws (especially mothers-in-law) in a negative light. None of my children are yet married, but I hope that when the day comes that I take on the role of mother-in-law I will be able to follow the counsel given above and my own mother-in-law’s example of how to build enriching relationships. I am looking forward to welcoming and accepting my children’s spouses into our family. 

I love my family of in-laws....

....even with all of our craziness!!

References:

Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.

Poduska, B. (2000). Till Debt do us Part, Salt Lake City, Utah: Shadow Mountain.

Week 12 - Transitions in Marriage: Power Relations and Children

When a man and a woman marry they are creating a new family and a new household. Each makes a transition from being a single person to jointly sharing a life with someone else. In making this transition, the question often arises:

Who’s The Boss?

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Now, I’m not talking about the popular 80’s TV sitcom, but rather the more serious issue of who holds the power or control in the relationship. Often this is a source of serious marital problems. The wife may feel that her opinion is not valued or desired or that her husband does not consult her regarding important family decisions. The husband may feel that he has no say over disciplining the children or managing the household. According to Dr. John Gottman, “When there’s an imbalance of power, there’s almost inevitably a great deal of marital distress.” (Gottman, p. 115). Likewise, Richard B. Miller states “Many marital problems have as their root cause an unequal relationship or struggles over who has control in the relationship.” (Miller, 2008).

Perhaps the first step to eliminating power struggles in marriage is to recognize that in a healthy marriage relationship there is no “boss”. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we are taught “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” (Hinckley, 1995). Husband and wife share power as equal partners, even though their responsibilities may be different. Instead of asking “Who’s the Boss?” each spouse should instead be asking:

“What is my role as an equal partner in this relationship?”

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Answering this question is going to be different for every couple and will change throughout the course of the marriage relationship. For my husband and me, our relationship roles have constantly changed as we have experienced the births of our children, job changes, relocating our family, parenting teenagers, having children leave home for college and missions, fulfilling various church responsibilities, and a myriad of other influences that take up our time and energy. Throughout our marriage there have been times when we were each so focused on our individual roles that we neglected to work together as equal partners. I did my thing, he did his, and before we knew it we felt distant from one another. What we have found to be most beneficial in coming together again as husband and wife is to counsel often with each other. We talk about specific things going on in our lives – our stresses, our fears, our joys and our triumphs. In addition, we try to lift each other’s burdens by finding ways to help and support the other.

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Although husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, have different roles, what is required for a happy, equalized marriage is unity. In his talk, That We May Be One, Elder Henry B. Eyring taught how it is possible for the gospel of Jesus Christ to unite our hearts. “The gift of unity will come through obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we keep our covenants to take His name upon us, to remember Him always, and to keep all His commandments, we will receive the companionship of His Spirit. That will soften our hearts and unite us.” (Eyring, 1998). I believe that achieving such unity in marriage is a lifelong process that requires diligence, patience, and forgiveness. From my experience I have found that when I forget about determining “who’s the boss”, and instead focus on what I can do to be an equal partner in my marriage, there is a greater feeling of mutual compassion, caring, and support. Together as husband and wife, with the companionship of the Holy Spirit, we are able to achieve much more than we ever could on our own!

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Resources:

Eyring, H. B., “That We May Be One, Ensign, May 1998, p. 66.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.

Hinckley, G.B., 1995. Retrieved from: https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=true

Miller, R. B., (2008). “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families”, Brigham Young University. 

Week 11 - Transitions in Marriage: Fidelity and Pysical Intimacy

Physical intimacy in marriage is a topic that is often misunderstood. On the one hand we live in a society that glorifies sexuality as a means of personal gratification. Movies, TV shows, music, magazines, social media, and even ads are constantly bombarding us with sexual images and innuendos promoting the idea that being and looking sexy will bring you happiness, popularity, and wealth. On the other hand there are those who view sex as a necessary evil only to be endured for the sake of reproduction. In each case, these limited ideas of sexuality can cause great difficulties for married couples. So just what is the proper view of physical intimacy and sexuality?

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are taught that “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” (The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995). In a talk given in October 1994, Elder Richard G. Scott taught:

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It often happens that after marriage, one of the areas in which couples struggle the most is with sexual intimacy. Brent A. Barlow said, “We are well aware of the joy and unity that can come to a married couple when this particular dimension of the marital relationship is nurtured. Yet, in spite of the potentially joyful aspects of sexuality in marriage, for many it is a source of frustration and even contention. Indeed, the inability of married couples to intimately relate to each other is one of the major causes of divorce.” (Barlow, 1986).

Perhaps the most important thing a couple can do to foster a healthy intimate relationship is learn to communicate about it with each other. According to Barlow, couples often think that marital intimacy is something that should just naturally work out, and that if they have to talk about it then it means something is going wrong. (Barlow, 1986). Yet open communication is key to improving this area of the marriage relationship. Husband and wife should seek to understand each other’s needs, hopes and aspirations. There is no shame in talking about intimacy as a husband and wife, but it can certainly make one feel vulnerable to open up so much. It may take patience, tenderness, and gentleness to eventually reach a point where both spouses feel comfortable talking about this aspect of their relationship.

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In order for couples to fully enjoy physical intimacy in their marriage relationship as it was intended by God, they must first seek for a proper understanding of its place in marriage. They should then work together to understand one another and nurture this aspect of their relationship with tenderness, patience, and open communication. In addition, there are countless resources available for couples to help them understand and improve upon this sacred part of their marriage: The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen Lamb and Douglas Brinley, and They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura M. Brotherson, just to name a few.

Although physical intimacy in marriage can be a difficult area for many couples, I know that it is part of God’s plan for happy marriages. There is a closeness and depth of connection that is possible as husband and wife work together to understand and fulfill each other’s needs and expectations. God does not intend for sexual intimacy to only be used for procreation, but also as a means for couples to achieve a oneness in their marriage that is beautiful and amazing. 

 

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Resources:

- Barlow, B. A.,  "They Twain Shall Be One: Thoughts on intimacy in marriage,", Ensign, Sept 1986, p. 49.

- Scott, R. G., "Making the Right Choices", Ensign, Nov. 1994, p. 38.

Week 10 - Seeking to Understand

John would like to raise his children according to his Catholic faith; but Amy has an aversion to organized religion. Brandon pictures the ideal family consisting of two children and a dog; but Nicole has always wanted a large family. Before marriage, Carla worked hard to earn a law degree and finds her work at a local law firm to be very fulfilling; but Josh has always believed it was important for a mother to be home to raise her children. These are examples of perpetual issues that married couples face.

Every marriage is a union of two unique individuals. Each partner brings to the marriage their personalities, hopes, dreams, quirks, habits, and histories. It is no wonder then that as two unique individuals strive to meld their lives into one, there will be conflict. According to Dr. John Gottman’s book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, almost 70% of marital conflict can be classified as perpetual, meaning it will most likely be a continuous part of the marriage.  At first glance these issues appear to be rather monumental and capable of destroying a marriage. However, Dr. Gottman assures that couples who acknowledge such differences and find ways to cope with them together will prevent perpetual problems from overwhelming their marriage.

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One key element in coping with perpetual problems is to seek for greater understanding of your spouse’s dreams, hopes, aspirations, and wishes. Dr. Gottman says “happy couples are aware of each other’s dreams and consider helping each other realize them to be one of the goals of marriage.” (Gottman, p. 239). Drawing from the examples above, Carla may have the dream of being able to financially support her family should anything ever happen to her husband. She was raised by a single mother, and finances were always a source of great stress for her mother, so Carla wants to do all she can to avoid this possibility in her own life. Josh’s father always had a steady job and a good income, so his mother was able to stay at home to raise the children. He loved coming home from school knowing that his mother was there, and has fond memories of chatting with her about his day. He dreams of his own children having the same close relationship with Carla.

Neither dream is right or wrong. As Carla and Josh truly seek to understand each other’s dreams and where they come from, they will be able to find ways to work through their differences. Perhaps together they decide that Carla will work part-time and only during school hours. When the children are older she can go back to work full-time again. Recognizing what parts of your dream you can compromise on, and what parts of your dream you can’t let go of will help prevent a perpetual problem from unraveling your marriage.

In seeking to understand our spouse better, perhaps the most important element is to develop charity for our spouse. I have always thought of charity as being “the pure love of Christ” (Moroni 7:47); something we should have towards all men. However, I’m afraid to say I’ve never really considered how charity applies to my marriage. In his book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, Dr. Wallace Goddard teaches how charity should look in a marriage relationship. On page 116 he shares this quote from Elder Marvin J. Ashton, “Charity is accepting someone’s differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down.” What a simple but profound truth! I married my husband because he possessed many admirable qualities that I wanted in my eternal companion. What I realize now is that I also married him with his imperfections; he came as a package deal. Dr. Goddard says “Rather than re-working our partners to our liking, we are invited to cover their weaknesses with our charity!” (Goddard, p. 126). To me this means that I don’t just love my husband in spite of his imperfections, I love him with his imperfections! I help him to overcome them, just as he helps me to overcome mine. I feel his sorrows with him and I feel his joys. In short, with charity I learn to love my husband as the Savior loves each of us! 

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Week 9 - Managing Conflicts and Consecrating Ourselves

            Our family loves to go camping! We love being together in the outdoors, roasting marshmallows over the campfire, hiking in the mountains, skipping rocks across lakes, and gazing at the stars at night. There is one thing about camping that we don’t like – the bugs! We have yet to go on a camping trip without being bothered by mosquitoes or horseflies. But because we love all of the other aspects of camping so much, we are willing to put up with the pesky flying insects and we manage to still enjoy our camping trips.

            Just as mosquitoes and horseflies are a constant part of camping, conflict is a constant part of marriage! Whether a marriage is happy and stable, or rocky and teetering – every husband and wife inevitably grapples with conflict from time to time. What makes or breaks a marriage is how they learn to manage the conflict.

In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman says “Every marriage is a union of individuals who bring to it their own opinions, personality quirks, and values. So it’s no wonder that even in very happy marriages spouses must cope with a profusion of marital issues.” (p. 137) Dr. Gottman further explains that most marital conflict can be placed into one of two categories: solvable or perpetual. Solvable conflicts are those that can be resolved and generally deal with specific situations or circumstances, such as a husband not taking the garbage out when asked or a wife not paying the phone bill on time. Perpetual conflicts are recurring differences that are not likely to be resolved such as different religious beliefs or personality traits.

            Regardless of the type of conflict a couple faces, Dr. Gottman provides some strategies and techniques a couple can learn to help manage conflict in a way that does not undermine the stability of their marriage, but rather enhance and strengthen it. One key principle is to realize that no one is right; there is not a “winner” and a “loser” in marital conflict. Each spouse’s point of view and perception is equally valid and deserves respectful consideration by the other spouse. This is not saying that spouses must always agree with one another, but rather validate and accept the other’s point of view and emotions as belonging to them and therefore being important.

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            Another strategy is for spouses to remember to focus on nurturing fondness and admiration for one another. (See previous blog post: Week 6 – Cherishing Your Spouse). Focusing on the other’s positive attributes will help a couple to relax about their partner’s faults. The good will overshadow the bothersome and irritating, and when conflict arises the couple has plenty of deposits in their “love bank account” to carry them through a rough patch.

            Perhaps the most important principle to help couples manage conflict is forgiveness. Dr. Gottman says “It’s all too easy to hold a grudge. For a marriage to go forward happily, you need to pardon each other and give up on past resentments. This can be hard to do, but it is well worth it. When you forgive your spouse, you both benefit.” (p. 159). In an inspiring talk given in April 2007, President James E. Faust shares the following counsel about forgiveness:

“If we can find forgiveness in our hearts for those who have caused us hurt and injury, we will rise to a higher level of self-esteem and well-being. We need to recognize and acknowledge angry feelings. I will take humility to do this, but if we will get on our knees and ask Heavenly Father for a feeling of forgiveness, He will help us. Only as we rid ourselves of hatred and bitterness can the Lord put comfort into our hearts. Let us remember that we need to forgive to be forgiven.”

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            When our family goes camping, we know we can expect there to be mosquitoes and biting horseflies. Rather than huddle in the tent complaining about the annoying insects ruining our trip, or, even worse, avoiding camping altogether, we choose to deal with it the best we can. We maintain our happy attitudes so that we can have a great family vacation and make good memories.

            In marriage, conflict is to be expected, but it doesn’t have to ruin a relationship! By validating and accepting the opinions and emotions of one’s partner, nurturing fondness and admiration in the relationship, and applying the principle of forgiveness, couples will find their marriage to be as fulfilling and happy as they ever imagined it could be. 

Sources:

Faust, J. E. (2007, May). The Healing Power of Forgiveness. Ensign.

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.

Week 8 - Beware of Pride

Beware of Pride

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A few years ago my husband and I started noticing some patches of our lawn turning brown. We thought that maybe these areas needed more water, so we spent a great amount of time assessing our sprinklers and making adjustments. The next year the dead patches had expanded, and nothing we did that summer seemed to make any difference. In frustration, my husband cut out the dead patches of grass and planted new seed. The following summer the new grass was again dying in those areas, as well as the surrounding grass! Finally, we called in experts who diagnosed our problem – grubs! With vigorous treatment we were able to finally get rid of the grubs and have a healthy looking lawn again.

Similarly, as a husband or wife we may notice difficulties in our marriage relationship, but have a hard time identifying just what is causing the problems. With our lawn, my husband and I were

unable to see the grubs by just looking at the grass from the top; we had to get down under the soil in order to find the cause of our dying grass. With our marriage we may need to look a little deeper within ourselves to find some of the root causes of our marriage troubles. Most likely we will find some form of pride, which, if left untreated, will infest our marriage and cause great damage.

In his 1989 talk, Beware of Pride, President Ezra Taft Benson gave some great counsel about the characteristics of pride and the harm that it can do in our relationships with others. He taught that “selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. ‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters.” He also taught that the proud are easily offended, hold grudges, withhold forgiveness, find fault in others, engage in gossip and backbiting, are jealous of others, stir up strife and contention, and refrain from praising others in an effort to make themselves look better. (See Proverbs 13:10, 28:25). The presence of any of these forms of pride in our attitudes and behaviors will adversely affect all of our relationships. In fact, President Benson says “Our degree of pride determines how we treat God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?” (Benson, 1989).

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It is our prideful tendencies that cause us to assume that if we are feeling unhappy or frustrated it is because our spouse is not doing their part. “After all,” we think, “isn’t that their job – to make sure my needs are met and I am happy?” Our society endorses this attitude of “looking out for #1” and

doing what is best for ourselves with little to no regard for others. According to Dr. Goddard, “this is precisely the wrong strategy for strengthening a relationship.” As contrary as it may sound, Dr. Goddard suggests that the best way to ensure our own joy and happiness is to turn our attention to ensuring the joy and happiness of our spouse! (Goddard, p. 69-70). As we sincerely try to meet the needs of our spouse, we will find the prideful tendencies slowly fading away and being replaced with greater love for our spouse.

It took my husband and me quite a while to figure out that the problem with our lawn was grubs. However, just because we treated the lawn and cured the problem it doesn’t mean that that is the last we will ever see of the grubs. They are sure to come again, and we must be constantly on the lookout so that we can stop the damage before it gets too great. Hopefully, with a better understanding of what pride looks like in a marriage relationship, we can each take action at the first sign of trouble and get rid of the pride that is keeping us from having happy and satisfying marriages.  

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Sources:

Benson, H. W. (1989, May). Beware of Pride. Ensign.

Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.

Week 7 - Staying Emotionallly Connected

Scenario 1

Wife texts husband: “Boy, I’ve had a rough day today. I could sure use a night out with you.”

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Husband texts back:  “Work has been crazy today and I wanted to invite Ryan over to watch the game with me.”

Wife: “Oh. Ok. See you when you get home.”

Husband: “See ya.”

Scenario 2

Wife texts husband: “Boy, I’ve had a rough day today. I could sure use a night out with you.”

Husband texts back: “Crazy day for me, too. How about I bring home a pizza for dinner, then you and I can go walk around the river and you can tell me about your day.”

Wife: “That sounds heavenly! We can get ice cream too…you can choose the flavor!”

Husband: “Sounds like a plan. Hang in there.”

Wife: “Thanks. I sure do love you!”

Husband: “Love you right back!”

Each of these scenarios probably sounds familiar to every married couple; after all, variations of these conversations take place on a daily basis in every marriage relationship. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman explains that when husbands and wives reach out for the other they are “making ‘bids’ for each other’s attention, affection, humor, or support” (Gottman, p. 88). Bids can be small and subtle, such as the wife above hinting at a date night; or large and outright, such as a husband asking for help in dealing with the loss of his job. In every case it’s as if the spouse is saying, “Hey, I’m here, and I need to know you notice and care about me.”

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With each bid for attention, the other spouse then has a choice to make: to turn toward the spouse (as in scenario 2) or to turn away (scenario 1). Turning towards each other is actually very simple to do and begins with being aware that the little moments of daily interactions and connection are the foundation to the overall happiness and romance in the marriage. It’s common to have a romanticized idea that you need to go on a cruise or a weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods in order to put the spark back in your marriage. The reality is that such vacations will only add zest to your marriage if you have been staying in touch in the little ways, or in other words recognizing your spouse’s bids for attention and turning toward him or her instead of away.

About 15 years ago my husband and I went to a weeklong business convention halfway across the country. We were looking forward to getting away from the busy-ness of our daily lives and reconnecting as a husband and wife. However, we found that just the opposite was happening. We didn’t agree on what to do with our free time, it was hard to find anything to talk about, and we were increasingly annoyed and frustrated with each other. I remember thinking that something was seriously wrong with our relationship if we couldn’t even enjoy each other enough to spend a week together! I’ve thought about this a lot over the years and realized that our mistake was in neglecting the little things that would keep us connected on a day-to-day basis before we even went on our big trip.

So how can you work on recognizing your spouse’s bids and turning towards him or her rather than away?

First, sometimes our spouse’s bids for attention are wrapped in anger or negative emotion, making it natural for us to respond with criticism or defensiveness….anything other than love and concern. For example, one day while I was hurriedly trying to finish a paper before a deadline my husband casually asked what I had planned for dinner. My response was a curt “I haven’t even thought about dinner, can’t you see I’m stressed about this paper?!” What came out sounding angry was actually a plea for help, “I’m really stressed here, I could probably use some help with dinner tonight.” In such situations Dr. Gottman suggests “before you reply defensively to your partner, pause for a moment and search for a bid underneath your partner’s harsh words.” (Gottman, p. 92).

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Second, think of your marriage as a relationship bank account. Each time you say something nice to your spouse, give a hug or kiss, send a quick text message during a busy day, or take out the trash

without being asked, you are making deposits in your account. Making frequent deposits will assure that when withdrawals come in the form of stress or conflict you have sufficient funds to not deplete your account.

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A third way to help in turning toward each other as a couple is to first turn towards God. President Ezra Taft Benson taught that “when we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or fall out of our lives” (Benson, 1988). In his book, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, Dr. H. Wallace Goddard explains that part of putting God first is to have faith in His son, Jesus Christ. You may wonder how faith in Christ can help in your marriage. Dr. Goddard says, “As we turn from the natural man to the ways of Christ, we will respond to our challenges differently. Instead of judging our partner, we will invite Christ to soften our hearts and fill us with goodness. No challenges or differences in marriage can thwart the work of God-given charity” (Goddard, pp. 59-60). As you exercise faith in Christ you will begin to see your spouse as God does, and your heart will be filled with the ability to overlook their imperfections and focus instead on what you can do to raise them up to their full potential. In every effort you make to turn towards God and Christ you will also be turning towards your spouse.

In the 15 years since our unharmonious vacation, my husband and I have worked diligently to make daily deposits in our love banks, to recognize and respond appropriately to each other’s bids, and to put God first and bring Christ into our marriage. I’m happy to report that our love for each other has grown deeper, stronger, and more rich and rewarding than either of us imagined. We’ve gone on other vacations together and created memories that have been romantic and fun. For myself, the most amazing thing I’ve noticed is that as I have worked on putting my husband’s needs before my own, my efforts have been reciprocated and I feel like I receive much more than I give. Although we still have much to work on, I look forward to a future where our love for each other will continue to grow!

 

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Sources:

-Benson, E. T., “The Great Commandment – Love the Lord,” Ensign, May 1988, p. 4.

-Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage: powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.

-Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work: a practical guide from the country's foremost relationship expert. New York: Harmony Books.