Beware of Pride
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A few years ago my husband and I started noticing some
patches of our lawn turning brown. We thought that maybe these areas needed
more water, so we spent a great amount of time assessing our sprinklers and
making adjustments. The next year the dead patches had expanded, and nothing we
did that summer seemed to make any difference. In frustration, my husband cut
out the dead patches of grass and planted new seed. The following summer the
new grass was again dying in those areas, as well as the surrounding grass!
Finally, we called in experts who diagnosed our problem – grubs! With vigorous
treatment we were able to finally get rid of the grubs and have a healthy
looking lawn again.
Similarly, as a husband or wife we may notice difficulties
in our marriage relationship, but have a hard time identifying just what is
causing the problems. With our lawn, my husband and I were
In his 1989 talk, Beware
of Pride, President Ezra Taft Benson gave some great counsel about the
characteristics of pride and the harm that it can do in our relationships with
others. He taught that “selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride.
‘How everything affects me’ is the center of all that matters.” He also taught
that the proud are easily offended, hold grudges, withhold forgiveness, find
fault in others, engage in gossip and backbiting, are jealous of others, stir
up strife and contention, and refrain from praising others in an effort to make
themselves look better. (See Proverbs 13:10, 28:25). The presence of any of
these forms of pride in our attitudes and behaviors will adversely affect all
of our relationships. In fact, President Benson says “Our degree of pride
determines how we treat God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift
us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?” (Benson, 1989).
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It is our prideful tendencies that cause us to assume that
if we are feeling unhappy or frustrated it is because our spouse is not doing
their part. “After all,” we think, “isn’t that their job – to make sure my
needs are met and I am happy?” Our society endorses this attitude of “looking
out for #1” and
doing what is best for ourselves with little to no regard for
others. According to Dr. Goddard, “this is precisely the wrong strategy for
strengthening a relationship.” As contrary as it may sound, Dr. Goddard
suggests that the best way to ensure our own joy and happiness is to turn our
attention to ensuring the joy and happiness of our spouse! (Goddard, p. 69-70).
As we sincerely try to meet the needs of our spouse, we will find the prideful
tendencies slowly fading away and being replaced with greater love for our
spouse.
It took my husband and me quite a while to figure out that
the problem with our lawn was grubs. However, just
because we treated the lawn and cured the problem it doesn’t mean that that is the last we
will ever see of the grubs. They are sure to come again, and we must be
constantly on the lookout so that we can stop the damage before it gets too
great. Hopefully, with a better understanding of what pride looks like in a
marriage relationship, we can each take action at the first sign of trouble and
get rid of the pride that is keeping us from having happy and satisfying
marriages.
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Sources:
Benson, H. W. (1989, May). Beware of Pride. Ensign.
Goddard, H. W. (2007). Drawing heaven into your marriage:
powerful principles with eternal results. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Pub.
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