Physical intimacy in marriage is a topic that is often
misunderstood. On the one hand we live in a society that glorifies sexuality as
a means of personal gratification. Movies, TV shows, music, magazines, social
media, and even ads are constantly bombarding us with sexual images and
innuendos promoting the idea that being and looking sexy will bring you
happiness, popularity, and wealth. On the other hand there are those who view
sex as a necessary evil only to be endured for the sake of reproduction. In
each case, these limited ideas of sexuality can cause great difficulties for
married couples. So just what is the proper view of physical intimacy and
sexuality?
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we are
taught that “the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between
man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” (The Family: A Proclamation
to the World, 1995). In a talk given in October 1994, Elder Richard G. Scott
taught:
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It often happens that after marriage, one of the areas in
which couples struggle the most is with sexual intimacy. Brent A. Barlow said,
“We are well aware of the joy and unity that can come to a married couple when
this particular dimension of the marital relationship is nurtured. Yet, in
spite of the potentially joyful aspects of sexuality in marriage, for many it
is a source of frustration and even contention. Indeed, the inability of
married couples to intimately relate to each other is one of the major causes
of divorce.” (Barlow, 1986).
Perhaps the most important thing a couple can do to foster a
healthy intimate relationship is learn to communicate about it with each other.
According to Barlow, couples often think that marital intimacy is something
that should just naturally work out, and that if they have to talk about it
then it means something is going wrong. (Barlow, 1986). Yet open communication
is key to improving this area of the marriage relationship. Husband and wife
should seek to understand each other’s needs, hopes and aspirations. There is
no shame in talking about intimacy as a husband and wife, but it can certainly
make one feel vulnerable to open up so much. It may take patience, tenderness,
and gentleness to eventually reach a point where both spouses feel comfortable
talking about this aspect of their relationship.
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In order for
couples to fully enjoy physical intimacy in their marriage relationship as it
was intended by God, they must first seek for a proper understanding of its
place in marriage. They should then work together to understand one another and
nurture this aspect of their relationship with tenderness, patience, and open
communication. In addition, there are countless resources available for couples
to help them understand and improve upon this sacred part of their marriage: The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual
Love by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, Between
Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy by Stephen Lamb
and Douglas Brinley, and They Were Not
Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment by Laura M.
Brotherson, just to name a few.
Although
physical intimacy in marriage can be a difficult area for many couples, I know
that it is part of God’s plan for happy marriages. There is a closeness and
depth of connection that is possible as husband and wife work together to
understand and fulfill each other’s needs and expectations. God does not intend
for sexual intimacy to only be used for procreation, but also as a means for
couples to achieve a oneness in their marriage that is beautiful and amazing.
Resources:
- Barlow, B. A., "They Twain Shall Be One:
Thoughts on intimacy in marriage,", Ensign,
Sept 1986, p. 49.
- Scott, R. G., "Making the Right Choices", Ensign,
Nov. 1994, p. 38.
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